VictoryBuzz

In my bible reading I have come to the passage in Ezekiel 34.

The first 10 verses (Ezek 34:1-10) is a scathing condemnation of Israel’s kings. They are the shepherds of the people. And while this is about Israel’s history, I feel safe to make the generalisation: no one is righteous and good. For Israel, there was no good shepherd and king who truly cared for his flock. And if we look honestly within ourselves, we have to admit none of us, no human leader, has perfectly led his people justly and unselfishly.

Bringing the matter closer to home, I am not even going to be a good shepherd of myself.

These days I have been falling into despair because certain weaknesses don’t seem to go away despite my best efforts. It is even more despairing when I honestly think I haven’t even been trying hard enough. I have attention deficiency disorder. Compared to the average person, it seems no matter how hard I try, I often will lose track of time, fail to follow through, and forget what I have promised to do. I know it’s still my responsibility to own these as real mistakes on my part, even though I have ADD. I want to lead myself, discipline myself and change myself, to do a good job and be useful and productive. But when I look at how little progress I’ve made I tend to condemn myself.

Yet Ezekiel 33:13b says:

“if he trusts in his righteousness and does injustice, none of his righteous deeds shall be remembered, but in his injustice that he has done he shall die.”

If I trust in my own righteousness (i.e. in my own ability to justify myself) I am simply going to die in my injustice. This is exactly right because there is always some good that I know to do that I do not do. If I tell myself that just doing my best is going to have to be good enough, that is simply avoiding responsibility and saying God’s standard is unjust. And that in fact is how the people respond in Ezekiel 33:17. They say God is not just. But it is our own way that is not just.

We simply can’t fix ourselves. We are in fact guilty for we have brought these woes upon ourselves by acting unjustly if we would be willing to admit it. He has constantly pursued mankind ever since we’d turned away in the garden of Eden. He gives his people his law, and lovingly instructs us how to live rightly in order to receive his best. Yet we’ve been unjust by constantly spurning his love toward us. Justice demands that this wickedness of ours should be punished. The reality is: even with the desire to do what is right, we find we do not have the ability to carry it out (Romans 7:18). The Apostle Paul says it right: we are wretched! Who will deliver us from this?

God takes pity upon hopeless mankind, and comes himself to be our Shepherd. Praise him for the intensity of his promise in Ezekiel 34:16. Looking back on history, he has come to be our Shepherd because there is no one who does good. He himself will heal and bind up and promote the cause of the weak and right the wrongs in our world.

He comes to make things right and fulfils his justice in a way that leaves us saved! The Good Shepherd that comes to rescue his flock (Ezekiel 34:22) comes to lay down his life for his sheep (John 10:11), so that even though they should die according to God’s just law, he in his perfect life and sacrificial death fulfils God’s law on our behalf and allows us to be released from that law so we can live in the new life of the Spirit.

The law condemns us in the flesh, but in Christ’s death, I have died to the flesh. So in Christ, we are not condemned even though we fall short. What about keeping God’s law then? The Holy Spirit who effected God’s power to raise Jesus from the dead is now in me. Now the righteous requirement of the law is fulfilled in those who walk according to the Spirit, who walk following the Good Shepherd. Do not walk according to the flesh: following sinful desires to participate in deeds leading to death. But walk according to the Spirit, who gives us new desires since we started to trust Christ alone for our salvation. And he gives us the ability to do the deeds of righteousness that lead to life. He is leading and empowering.

I will trust the Good Shepherd. Each time I despair because of my weaknesses, not least of which is my debilitating ADD, and because I think that I’m ultimately responsible to make myself good and I don’t see the growth I want, I am sinning against God. I cannot lead myself without the new life. But Jesus my Good Shepherd is here. That is the good news.

So many good things happened today.

Today my family and Candy's got together to see the three-room flat that Candy's churchmate graciously will rent to us. When we arrived and saw Uncle Henry and Auntie Betty looking so pleased with the place, I was just encouraged. Pa and Ma were also full of smiles when they saw it, and kept making remarks like "This is a great place!". I know they were not expecting something so nice, so it was extra reassuring to find both sets of parents so happy.

Then we went for food-tasting at the restaurant we'll be using for our banquet (Xin Cuisine). After saying grace to thank God for the fellowship we were about to receive, we all had a wonderful time at dinner. The food was generally great, and we had fun discussing each dish as it got served and we sampled it. I feel that my family has not had such a time to just relax and laugh and 'hang out' in a long time. I don't know how else to explain it, but there was just a very good vibe with our families tonight.

I am just very thankful as I reflect. The Lord provided, when we've been praying all these months for the best place to stay, and today I really was made to sense that He saved this flat for us. And Uncle Henry was so eager to help us clean up the place and get the necessary renovations done, with his know-how and network of capable friends. Also our dinner banquet is going to be thrown by Pa, who is showing his love for us in his own unique way. I felt really loved by our Father God, and want to testify of his loving provision and care. Thank you, Daddy in heaven, and also thank you both, my Dads here on earth.

Hi, a quick entry to get some opinions. So far I've been keeping copies of my high-res photos on Flickr Pro. I pay USD24.95 a year for it. And it just expired. So I have the option of going to another platform.

Multiply is a tad cheaper and I seem to use it more now. I could just keep the photos low-res, but it would be nice to have the originals backed up on their servers like this. I don't know. AND if I plan to move my blog to my own locally-served Wordpress, would keeping photos on Flickr or Multiply make more sense? Anybody with the know-how can share some of your thoughts?

I debated with myself about showing the progress of the wedding invitation card design that I'm working on to people online, and decided not to. It's almost completed (now it's mainly just the choice and placement of the chinese words) but I thought I'd post a little teaser. Here's a little view of it:
Want to leave the final finished card a surprise for our beloved guests so it'll be fresh and hopefully delightful when they receive it.

But besides the wedding invitation, I'm also working on revamping the Creative Communications ministry site. Today I made a new acquaintance who works as a senior marketiing/PR person in Microsoft and he was generously sharing his insight as to how we can tackle the question of how ministry and the Internet go together. Very enlightening time it was. Still a lot to learn. But most of all, we need wisdom to determine what it is we're supposed to achieve and set good objectives.

I played the Cities and Knights expansion of Settlers of Catan for the first time on a physical board this evening. It's a lot more fun than I anticipated. Another potential hobby/distraction. We told ourselves it would be good for fostering camaraderie and getting to know our colleagues. Well that was our excuse. I'll be game to play this online with anybody if we can only make some time: http://games.asobrain.com.

Hello. I noticed I haven't written in a while. And I don't think that's good. That's why I had to post something to let you know I'm doing well and keep you somewhat up to date.

Well, it's been almost four weeks since I returned from Japan. My furlough ended last Monday, and I'm now at my new assignment: Creative Communications, a ministry of Singapore Campus Crusade for Christ. My new role is going to be related to Internet Ministry, but I'd like to think the details are still firming up. Anyway, my first task was to help update the CreaComm blog because my new boss thinks I write online frequently. Boy, do I hope he knows what he's asking of me!

I hope because of the nature of my new role, I'll learn to engage this online medium more intentionally instead of the observer position that I've taken mostly so far.

It's also been hard living without my trusty Powerbook which I've grown quite attached to in the last three years (and the one two years before that was also a Powerbook, a Titanium that one). It's an enforced fast from my dependence on the machine, I truly think. The withdrawal was fairly significant.Although it doesn't mean I have been spending less time online, it's just hard to not have my familiar desktop, MacJournal and gazillion customisations I've made. Quite a transition to make.

Of course there's the much bigger transition of the new assignment in CreaComm, and then the humongous transition I'm preparing to make in September when I get married (we just started pre-marital counselling with Candy's pastor last week, and she asked us seriously if we wanted to consider pushing back the wedding date cos there seems so little time!). That's a LOT of things to adjust to. Much as I understand I've a high tolerance for change, I know I'd be wise not to minimize the challenge this represents.

But so far, the changes have been good for me. I like the new office environment, the new team and the exciting ministry opportunities that are coming up. And while the wedding preparations and costs look intimidating, I'm certain that our God is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all we can ask or even think, according to his power at work in us. I just need to avoid being too distracted to abide in him and seek his Kingdom first, connecting with God as the life-and-death priority it is.

Please do continue to keep me in your prayers if you can. I know I need them.

05 February 2008 9:37 PM

It’s scary to realise our emotions are so uncontrollable. I have been weeping at the slightest rise in the orchestra of any random movie I’ve been watching on this flight. Even a comedy like Bee Movie made me cry.

I guess I must be really grieving this move away from Tokyo. How would I have known God has done such a deep work of bonding in my heart to the city of Tokyo. I always thought I hated it - hated the crowds, the busyness, the impersonal feel of the entire city. Now I can’t bear to part from it.

Of course I miss specific people. That’s what makes up a place though. I don’t miss just the elevator coming down from Mitaka station to the Coral department store. I miss the people I know who live there.

Lord, as I try not to waste time on this flight with mindless entertainment or exhaution from the lack of sleep the past day, help me hear Your voice.

First I have a lot to thank You for. I was taken aback by all the amazing things staff said and did for me this past three/four weeks. Q Sang, Shiwen, Dingzi, Walter, Jeremiah, Kelly, Jessica, Laura. I can’t believe it.

Paul wrote me a song! Well he took the tune of someone else and wrote clever lyrics. Cam and his family wrote a rap for me! I’m sure they don’t do that for every stinter they send away!

I expect I will be kind of an emotional wreck for the next few days at least. The adjustment won’t be easy. Lord, I depend on You for this.

Of course I’m deeply longing to see Candy again -- the love of my life.

Thank You Lord for showing me that I am loved, and that what You have been doing in me is valued and appreciated. Even Fumi, Kaori, Naomi. Taketo, Shinnosuke, Atsushi, and the guys from church: Tsunezo, Yukitoshi, Kodai, Yusuke.

Lord, I want to keep in contact with them. But please keep me realistic and not expect the impossible. Help me to know what You want me to do now, now that I’m going to be back in Singapore.

日本語を忘れないうちに頑張って毎日練習することにすると思う。シンガポールでは、あんまり日本語でしゃべる機会がないから、自分で意識して頑張らなきゃならない。

あと、毎日の予定表を従うように、あるいわ、予定表をちゃんと日ごとに書くようにしたいと思う。

でも今眠くなった。昨日本当に寝不足でした。２時間しか寝られなかったから。ヤバい。
05 February 2008 9:55 PM
Two more hours to touch down. I can’t wait!